Theresa Fraser: My husband and I have been treatment foster parents for over 25 years. I began this work as a Child and Youth worker. I had experience working in group homes, justice settings, treatment foster homes and community mental health settings. Initially we fostered teens. Many of them stayed with us beyond the typical 6 week assessment for there were very few long term placements available to meet their needs. We figured out once that we have fostered almost 200 children.  
 
During this period we had two biological sons and when our youngest was five we took a break from fostering. Our children verbalized how quiet the house was and how much they missed their "big kids". 
We began to provide long term care with children younger than our own. I returned to school to finish my undergrad, master's degree and Play Therapist Certification here in Canada and then we switched roles and my husband became the stay at home parent, Our kids would often get suspended from school, need to go to therapy or have many many medical appointments so one parent had to always be at home. 
 
Ultimately we were  successful in adopting an 18 month old baby who was available for adoption after living with us for over two years. We recently connected with the paternal side of his birth family at his request and it has been a truly positive experience for him.
 
Our family includes our eldest son, a talented musician who lives nearby, a son who works full time with his hands and still lives at home, a  sibling group who have lived with us for 10 years and our special "triplets" (one son new to our family after six months, a foster son and a close in age adopted son.) Each of our kids has specific needs, many with learning disabilities and trauma and attachment disruption experiences. 
 
What inspired you to become an adoptive and foster parent?

TF: When I was little my mother needed to be hospitalized and my young father couldn't look after my sister and I. I was grateful we were able to live together while being fostered in various homes.
 
When we were later returned home, our parents felt that they wanted to give back and help other families so as our biological family grew to 8 children, my parents also fostered. One of my sisters today is one of those foster siblings and I love her dearly. My biological family had firsthand experience with uniquely created families.
 
When my husband and I got married, I found it quiet after being the eldest of 9 and kept cooking for 20... Our eldest son was in and out of the hospital for asthma I was struggling with being a working parent . So when we were approached to run a foster group home, we decided that this was a plan for our family as I could  work with  vulnerable teens from home and also be home full time with our son who loved having other children around. 
 
Our eldest says he was impacted negatively on occasion by those teens and the chaos that surrounded their issues however, both of our bio sons and our adoptive son  are nonjudgmental and are strong advocates for those that are vulnerable. They have lived in an inclusive environment with children of different cultures, genders, races and religions.  For example, one son a few years ago announced at dinner that he felt we needed to find a church that was inclusive given some churches are not LGBTQ aware and one of our kids is openly gay and another child is identifying with a fluid identity. How great our kids can be open and supportive of each other.

That said,  it is not an easy life. We aren't rich, our kitchen is often a mess and we have kids who are often late in the morning because they all have executive functioning issues! However, we have good times and each of us is better because we have lived with each other. 
 
Can you share your pearls of wisdom for individuals considering this route?
 
TF: Be open to get support as it is hard to deal with the system issues you will encounter. The children are not the challenge as much as it is the fight to get the resources they need. A few years ago for example, we moved our family to another city about an hour away to access a high school with the special education resources that a son needed. Some people were surprised that we would do that for a foster child but he needed a different high school experience and we knew if he didn't get it his future would be sorely impacted. That said, sometimes it is a challenge to parent by committee. We've experienced workers who may not have the child's best interests at heart or are too tired to fight the system. 
I have a reputation of being a very strong advocate for our children and my husband is the calm mediator. We are a good team but we aren't a perfect team. There is no such thing. 
It is important to make time for each other and each of the children so when one is having a really hard time and needs lots of attention, the others know that they won't be forgotten.. This takes time, planning and energy with a commitment to remind each other that there is a higher purpose for what we do. We are changing lives by creating a therapeutic environment for those in it. 
It is hard to watch kids fall and worry about the decisions they make but then again, the same occurs with bio kids. 
Our children are proud of books I have written as they can take Billy Had to Move to the school library and help other children experience foster care and adoption positively. 
 
What resources would you suggest for parents looking to adopt or foster children?
 
TF: I would suggest that parents read as much as they can and find other adoptive foster parents who can mentor them. It is important to have someone you can phone to say, I am so frustrated and not feel judged. It is important to be able to share what is going on and not hear back, "why bother, this child will never be able to change". Change happens with moments.  
 
It is also helpful to find a clinician who understands foster care and adoption.
 
My other recommendation is to find people who can stand beside you to help you to advocate. Even today I take in another "professional" in difficult meetings as I am seen as the parent who is being overprotective. 
Laugh often, have dates and take time doing something you love. My children have helped me be a better mom and clinician and given I am not perfect I continue to need help!